... and there's always more
Your healing is your Feeling-Story.
The truth has to be told - the truth of your feelings.
The hardest part is not knowing.
The truth has to be told - the truth of your feelings.
The hardest part is not knowing.
It’s not your fault, you’re not supposed to change or fix it, change your fix yourself. You only have to see the truth of it through your feelings. And it was all done to you, you had no say in it, you are not to blame.
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You’ve got to get to the point of realising and feeling completely what a hopeless case you are. And how bad you feel about being a worthless piece of shit. Having given up believing otherwise.
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Our pattern unfolds cyclicly.
We grow up right from the beginning with someone telling us how to be. So we grow up to be moron idiot people with no idea how to truly be and always waiting for someone - our parents - to tell us how to be. And we keep going that way, believing we need teachers, doctors, police, politicians, spiritual and religious leaders, God to tell us how to be - the way, and what we should do. We don’t grow up looking to ourselves to uncover the truth of how we want to be through our feelings. We are the controlled, so need to keep being controlled, and control. We need to keep feeling like we have some power as we’re being controlled, just as we did with our parents, but we don’t have any real and true power, as it’s all still under their dominance and say so.
By submitting to our bad feelings and expressing - emoting the feeling of them, as we seek their truth, we are taken back to the point where our will was forced to go against our true self, often releasing through agonised crying the utter despair and sheer misery we feel, all so then we can bring our natural will back into play, becoming a little bit more of our true selves.
Being a natural creature, we should all express our feelings. And being children we’re closer to being natural, until we’ve had it beaten out of us, being made into being unnatural creatures.
For some people is very easy to express all they think and feel, it all coming naturally to them, it being - just what life is, and what makes life fun and fulfilling. However it’s another thing to express such thoughts and feelings with the intention of going deeper into oneself wanting to uncover the truth that awaits to be discovered. And for those of us who have difficulty expressing any feelings or thoughts, keeping them all hidden in the security of ones inner fantasy world, it doesn’t matter whether you want to uncover the truth or not, it’s still going to be hell trying to even begin to bring yourself - enough for you to even begin to start speaking about - all that you naturally keep hidden believing no one would want to know what you think or say.
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It’s a sin to punish children. They end up scared, angry and repressed, unable to freely and fully express themselves. And if you don’t think it hurts them or does any permanent damage then to your Feeling-Healing and see what you feel about what was done to you. So how are we to parent without punishment? With only true love. And will the free loved child grow up to be selfish taking everything for itself and not giving a shit about anyone else? Or if left alone and not interfered with and allowed to be truly free, and not just free in some ways but not in others, will it be able to work out what’s right and best for itself as it grows up all through its own feelings. But one thing is for sure, if it’s fucked around with, it won’t feel happy and able to work out what is right, ending up living a false pretentious existence, distorted and heavily controlled. And it will never know what true freedom feels like.
We’ve been so severely punished, and over and over again, for trying to express our bad feelings, that we now keep then in for fear of more punishment.
Do you love nature because of all it will do for you? Or do you love it for itself. Did your parents love you for yourself; or did they love you because of what you could do for them?
How cruel and criminal to make the child feel unhappy, miserable and depressed, and then blame it for being that way, accusing it of doing it to itself and angry that it doesn’t get up off its bum and do something to make itself happy.
If the creature baby has a problem we look to its parents to see what’s wrong that they are doing to it. Yet we don’t do the same with unhappy children. We see parents are being perfect and can do no wrong. The parents are never to blame, not unless their neglect and mistreatment is so bad that we’re forced to pay attention. But mostly, we don’t want to know about it - it’s none of our business.
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All your pain is unexpressed feelings, the emotion of them.
And that’s all pain - physically, emotionally, mental, spiritual and psychic pain.
And that’s all pain - physically, emotionally, mental, spiritual and psychic pain.
We’re told we have to focus on feeling good, which shows something is very wrong as we should just naturally feel good.
The child decides finally not to cry, so blocks off such bad feelings to survive, making it believe and feel erroneously that it has some power, all the while becoming progressively more untrue.
‘Yes, I had difficult times during my childhood, but I’m not going to dwell on them, it’s unproductive’, and so they ‘get on with it’, as that’s what they’ve always done, it being what they did during their childhood. I was never allowed to get on with it, so I’ve never known how you do.
We believe we have to kill our bad feelings before they kill us. So instead of banishing them we have to go the other way and accept them. And really it’s the denying them that’s killing us.
I’m still accepting all the pain that’s in me. Every night I go to bed feeling bad, even morning I wake up feeling bad, so many bad feelings, the sheer amount of bad feelings, so many endless bad feelings, so many to accept, express and seek the truth of. It’s just incredible how much pain my parents have caused me... and still cause me.
You might grow up saying ‘I’m not going to be like my parents’... Oh yeah, and so who are you going to be like when ALL you can be is like them, as you are of them, you formed with and in them. And the truth is, you are like them, you can’t be any other way, but you can refuse to see it, believing you are not like them.
Do you feel you are being true to yourself because you feel more or less in control of your life. That you’ve got or had a good life and so everything is fine. Or, is it that you only believe you are in control, believing you feel powerful when such power is false, so feel true when in fact you are untrue.
Have you been held back in life never being able to make a go of it, all so you have been able to see how untrue it is, and that you can’t live such untruth?
We are only judgemental because we were judged. And we only want to punish because we were punished. We were told what we did was bad, and so if someone else does it, then we’ve got to tell them they are bad. Because if they are not told and even think it’s good, then it’s not fair, not fair that we are punished for it when they are not.
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You’re addicted to your negative state, addicted to being untrue, addicted to being evil. Your feeling denial is your drug keeping the true you - what you truly feel - hidden, a secret from yourself. Your healing is stopping taking the drug, ending your feeling denial and allowing yourself to accept your pain - all your bad feelings. And it’s going to hurt as you’re withdrawing from your addiction, changing all the unloving patterns and beliefs that are keeping it in place within you. And by becoming true to yourself means you are liberating it, telling your story, the story of all you feel, all you felt, all you’ve always felt, and coming to understand it. It’s about getting all your secrets out, all those bad feelings you’re keeping secret from yourself, all of which is setting yourself free - free of your self-imposed prison that your parents forced you into. And the prison you’ve been maintaining with all your strength, all your will, and all because you’ve been made to believe it’s right for you, the right way for you to be. But it’s not. It’s wrong and false. It’s untrue, it’s not the true you. So let your soul speak through your feelings to you, for it has a lot of truth it wants you to see.
Some people just can’t do it, never being allowed to do it during their early childhood. Not all drug addicts for example can be ‘cured’ of their addiction, with those people who can only being able to because of what went on during their early life. And if you can’t do it, you can’t do it, and no amount of forcing yourself or being forced by another will make you be able to do it. It’s just how you are, how you’ve been made to be. And so it’s what you’ll have to accept about yourself. And it’s not that you are wrong or bad for not being able to do it as other people can, it’s just that you never got the opportunity to do it during your forming years; and had you, then you too would be able to do it. How we are is all a result of how we were treated when we were young, and only by doing our healing will we able to completely remove any impediments, liberating ourselves into being able to do it, if indeed it does turn out to be something we are to do. And mostly, through your healing you’ll find out that so much of what you’ve believed and thought and even tried to make yourself do, it being what you believed is right for you, is actually wrong for you, and you’re far better off not doing it anyway, and ending up being so grateful that you were prevented from doing it as a child.
We have to at some point mourn our childhood, give ourselves the time and space and allow such bad feelings to surface. To feel miserable and sad, to cry and to empathise with the little person who was treated so badly, so unlovingly. And we mourn so we can accept that it was us it happened to. And we can stop trying to pretend that we’re all right and not feeling such great pain. We can love ourselves for being as fucked as we are.
We’re naturally right. To be told from the very beginning of our lives that we’re wrong and need to be taught how to be right - that’s what’s wrong and evil.
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If you want to be Truly Awakened... do your healing.
Awaken to the truth of yourself; and the truth of your relationship with your parents, nature, other people and God.
Awaken to the truth of yourself; and the truth of your relationship with your parents, nature, other people and God.
The criminal is also an innocent victim. He or she being a child who was subjected to such horrors and torment to make them into such an unloving person. The criminal has been suffering his whole life. If he wasn’t in such pain he’d not be a criminal. It’s asked why: why did he do it, why didn’t he tell something he was suffering, why didn’t he talk about his problems, but you can’t when they are so deep and so bad and you’re in so much pain and doing all you can block it out. You can’t go up to your best friend or partner and say I have these horrible urges, these evil thoughts, you can’t as you don’t want to be bad, no one does, because we fear what happened to us when we were a child, when our parents accused us of being bad. So no one’s going to admit it. Then once the crime is committed we lock them away, don’t let them talk, don’t understand that the causes of their actions lie deep within their Childhood Repression. And that they will never be able to unlock them, come to terms with them, and so heal themselves and free themselves of their inner torment until they’ve done their childhood repression healing.
The criminal says he’s bad, he shouldn’t have done it, those terrible things. He deserves to be put away, forever - exterminated. And because he doesn’t know what came over him, then that makes it even worse, he is unpredictable, needs to be kept away from other innocent people. He is a monster. And he is still that little boy that no one wants, no one loves, the little boy that has to say he is sorry for doing the bad thing and accept his punishment. He is still the little boy who feels he’s only shit, no good for anything, not to be trusted, not to be cared about, there to be shat on and beaten to a pulp. He is the evil one so it is said, he must be kept away from the good ones, he must be banished never to see the light of day. However he is still only an innocent little boy who never deserved or asked for any of it. Who will champion his cause? Who will come to his aid and stand with him understanding what a shit-awful beginning he had? When will we want to understand?
Why do I feel bad. Why do bad things happen to me. Why don’t things work out for me. Why, why, why? And why is to be found hidden inside you deep within the recesses of your Childhood Repression. If you choose to go there, to that far away place within, that place you believe is evil, unwanted and must be kept at a distance at all times; if you venture into your darkness, down into your hell, then in there, in that far away place that is you the forgotten child, that’s where you’ll find the answers to all your secrets. But be warned, you might not like what you find. And it will hurt to see and accept the truth.
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Some people say Childhood Repression is old hat. But in fact it’s so new its true discovery and conquest lies way in humanity’s future. Alice Miller laid a foot on the newly discovered land, but it awaits to be thoroughly explored. It’s still uncharted, our inner selves, and it’s where we need to go if we are to heal all that ails us. It won’t be until Childhood Repression is a household term that humanity will have turned the corner. And that won’t be for a long time because to face it, to have to face your inner demons - to actually have to confront and deal with the truth of your relationship with your parents, there’s just too much pain.
If you sincerely want the truth, then you have to do your Childhood Repression healing. Any other so-called truth-finding system, be it a religion or alternative spiritual system, if it doesn’t help you and show you the way into your childhood repression, then it’s only going to be leading you further from the truth of yourself. It will only be leading you further into your mind and further from your true feelings. And it’s through your TRUE feelings that you can uncover the truth of yourself. There is no other way.
If you think you can love your pain away by applying your mind, by making yourself have ‘loving thoughts’, then you are seriously mistaken. You might succeed in covering up your pain, even to the extent of believing you are no longer feeling or suffering from it. But that’s even a worse state to be in. That is major bad feeling denial. And that is only going to make you sicker. True love is just naturally there, we don’t have to do anything, we just feel it and express it. If we have to do anything to feel love and love, then it’s not true love.
From the very first ‘NO’ fear is put into you. And you have to start working out how not to have that happen again. You start to adjust and change yourself, giving your true self away replacing it with a contrived false one. And we do it because we don’t want to feel all those bad feelings of feeling rejected, unwanted and unloved.
We can’t move to a nice place in the country surrounding ourselves with nature. We have to keep living in a place that’s always chopping down trees and killing animals and birds and fish, always destroying nature, as that’s what was done to us. So all the bad feelings we feel are all the bad feelings our parents made us feel.
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Look deeper than the surface. Look through your feelings.